I thought I should read this book as I’m generally not into talking to anybody. If I can get away with staying quite then that’s what I do. 😉
The idea of knowing the tips and tricks on how to talk to anybody when you don’t like to talk, like me, is intriguing.
I wasn’t expecting to turn into a people’s person after reading the book, but I thought they might be helpful. I cannot say much without reading them. 😉
Some lesson from ‘How to Talk To Anyone by Leil Lowndes’:
1: Pay Attention to Your Body Language:
Even before the words come out of your mouth, you are speaking via your body language and people are reading you or trying to, to decide if you’re someone worth talking to.
The gestures you make, how you stand, the way you walk and your expressions etc. everything matters. Even if you’re someone agreeable, but if your body language screams arrogant, not many would approach you.
The truth is, all of us judge people, even before we spend some time listening to them.
You must have labeled someone a snob without even talking to that person sometime in your life. Chances are that’s because of how you perceived them based on their body language. Whether the person is a snob or not that’s a different matter.
“Every smile, every frown, every syllable, you utter, every arbitrary choice of word that passes between your lips, can draw others towards you, or make them want to run away.” ~~ Leil Lowndes (Book: How to Talk to Anyone)
2: Don’t Give Everyone the Same (Fake) Smile:
Yes, I’m still obsessed with this smile thing. It started after I read ‘Enchantment’ and my instant dislike for the advice for getting into the habit of ‘Duchenne smile’.
You just cannot flash that smile for any or everyone. Sometimes we just don’t like someone or not in the mood to smile like that or at all.
I don’t like to waste my time interacting with people who have the same smile tattooed on their face. As their smiles, instead of looking warm and inviting, looks scary and fake.
I have said it before and I repeat, people with such smiles, not only look fake, but they often have some agenda that could harm the other person. As per psychology, smiles could be (are) manipulative gesture.
Forced smiles don’t look sincere, even if that’s the aim of pasting that nasty smile.
That’s what the author of the books informs you about. Never give people one standard smile, as after a while they would stop believing that you’re genuinely happy to see them.
“If you flash everybody the same smile, like Confederate dollar, it loses value.” ~~ Leil Lowndes (Book: How to Talk to Anyone)
3: How to Handle Someone Who Persistently Asks You a Question You Don’t Want to Answer:
Not answering or ignoring the asker is a good trick, but some people are expert irritants and don’t get the hint.
You can’t shut them up by staying silent or ignoring them as they would continue questioning you about whatever unpleasant event you don’t want to talk about.
The author offers a trick you can add to your arsenal to combat such annoying people.
Decide what you want to say in your answer and repeat the same answer in the same tone of voice until the annoyer gets the message.
4: Don’t Complain:
Even if you’re not an expert communicator (yet), still you should try not to start your getting to know people sessions with complaints or rude remarks or unpleasant topics.
Most don’t share the ‘skeletons in their closet’ the first time they meet someone new. It’s also not a topic that makes people comfortable listening to when they have just met you. You might scare the person away.
You should discuss some positive light topic and try to make the other person comfortable talking to you.
Don’t spend 90% of talking about yourself, your interests, hobby, career or life, etc. Encourage the other person to talk about themselves.
“When first meeting someone, lock your closet door and save your skeletons for later. You and your new good friend can invite the skeletons out, have a good laugh and dance over their bones later in the relationship. But now’s the time, as the old song says to ‘accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative.” ~~ Leil Lowndes (Book: How to Talk to Anyone)
I found the idea of ‘talking in other person’s professional lingo’ scary and desperate attempt to fit in.
For example, say someone introduces you to an artist. And you start dropping hints (to impress the artist) that you know their ‘world’. The worst part, the artist falls for your manipulating trick.
Now what do you think would happen if the artist launches a topic, thinking you know their world and would enjoy the conversation, but you all of a sudden have no idea what s/he is talking about.
What chances do you think are s/he would soon find out that you know nothing about their world and have just used a trick to fool them into believing that you do?
I don’t know about you, I’d rather admit I have no idea than drop hints that I know about someone else’s hobby or profession when I have no clue. If it makes them perceive me as someone with limited knowledge, it’s okay.
I neither want to embarrass myself nor want someone to think I’m a liar in the first meeting.
Always remember, no one knows everything and its OK, no matter how self-help books like these, tell you it’s not.
Don’t pretend to know everything; don’t pretend to know about another person’s world when you have no clue. Maybe that person would like you more if you simply showed interest in knowing more instead of wasting time telling them you know.
By pretending you’d only make fake friends and not the kind you’d want to be in the company of or who’d enjoy your company.
I’m sure ‘so-called big cats’ as the author calls successful people, can see through your or their own kinds’ fakeness.
Another problem I have is, in one chapter author says be honest and in this one starts preaching about the benefits of duping other people into believing that you know about their field of expertise.
I still found some useful tips in the book. But somehow it all sounds like Dale Carnegie’s ‘How to Win Friends and Influence People’. That one at least managed to keep my attention till the end.
This one lost my attention quite a lot of times and once in a while I entertained the thought of applying the 80/20 rule and read the (wisdom) in the colored boxes at the end of the chapters and finish the book.
Somehow I managed to persist in reading the book and came to the conclusion that if I had applied my 80/20 idea, I still would have ended up with the same information.
But without wasting 95 percent of my time reading content that’s seems like a mumbling (a boring kind).
Even before I finished the book, I was questioning the need to break chapters into bite size chapters. Some chapters seem useless at best…added just to add some more pages.
It’s another book with lots of information that either is a common sense or is already out there.
That doesn’t mean there are no useful suggestions in the book.
I find these kinds of books filled with manipulating tricks to trick people into believing that you’re their friend (or want to be) when all you’re doing is networking.
Maybe that’s why it falls in the genre: business. 😉
Hit or Miss: OK.
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